I barely slept at all last night, and it’s not the first time since this all started, so I guess I should talk about it here.
I’ve always slept very soundly, before this – my wife has said I could sleep through a dump truck crashing into the house. Lately, though, it’s as if I barely sleep an hour un-interrupted, and the creak of a floorboard out in the hallway can wake me. The dreams, or fragments of dreams that I remember upon being startled awake are… unsettling. I don’t remember much detail, and I don’t want to turn this into a dream journal, but I know that the dreams cause me a mental discomfort that I’ve never experienced before. It isn’t a typical ‘nightmare’ feeling, where your mind plays through a terrifying scene but then, upon waking, the fear evaporates as the rational mind takes over; I’ve had that kind of dream many times, and I’ve never given them a second thought. No, when I awake from these dreams and return to the waking world my unease seems to grow, with dark, swirling fragments of whatever nightmare world I’m leaving still clinging on and seeming to cloud my vision.
Last night was bad, and I woke multiple times, sometimes due to outside influence, and twice I believe I woke up due to the dreams themselves – both those times I opened my eyes, but could swear I still saw an undulating, shadowy dream-figure there in the room with me. The image quickly disappeared as I came fully awake, but the feeling, the sensation of it never left me.
The fragments I remember, or try to remember, or wish I didn’t remember, are mostly in shades of grey and black. I know there is a recurring figure who looks like a soldier, possibly? But not a modern soldier – much older. I can’t say that he ‘does’ anything, but I just know he shouldn’t be there, if that makes any sense, and there is a strong feeling of unease as he arrives. There is also an opening – I don’t know if it’s a doorway or a tunnel or something altogether different, it simply provokes a feeling of ‘entrance’, but I seem to instinctively know not to enter. There are other small fragments too, but nothing I can put to words.
I may try a sleep aid at some point, I can’t keep having nights like this.