Still shaking, can’t think, but I have to get this down. Too much in my head. Is this it? Is this what pushes me over the edge? God, the dreams… I’ve stared into…
I took a sleeping pill, to try to get a full night’s sleep – Wendy’s idea. I had no idea what it would do – I just wanted to get some sleep, that’s all. I didn’t think it would be dangerous.
I fell asleep quickly, that was nice, actually – lately it’s taken me a while to settle down and close my eyes and get to sleep, but tonight it was quick and easy. I don’t know how long I was asleep when the dreams started, but I knew right away something was different. Normally the dreams are black and white and grey, but tonight they were in color – terrible, sickening colors, colors that I can’t describe with any words I know.
I walked across that cursed landscape and felt that hot, fetid wind against my face. There was a smell this time, too – like burned or rotting meat. The heavy, sick smell filled my lungs and actually made me gag. I wandered through the landscape, my feet feeling the dirt and sharp stones under them, and I just seemed to know which direction to go in; I don’t think I could have changed direction if I wanted to.
I knew the portal was there before I saw it, I could hear a screaming and chanting on the winds. They sounded different tonight, clearer, almost like I could hear individual voices now, calling out. There was something else, too – all I have right now are shadowy hints, I can’t recall details for some reason. I think it was because this is when I saw the portal.
Normally at this point, when my terror is at it’s peak and I can’t take it any more, I wake up – my body knows that I can’t go any further. I suspect that with the sleeping pill, that safety mechanism wasn’t available to me, and so I went further than I’ve ever been before. I walked up to it, to that terrible, horrible thing as it pulsated and throbbed, and I finally saw it; I looked into it, beyond it. What can I say? How can I describe it? It was like staring into infinity, into swirling empty space and worlds beyond anything known by man. Worlds that have been dead for eons and worlds that have yet to be born.
There are things beyond the portal, too – things that I cannot describe, things that I don’t think any person could describe. Writhing things, chittering things, things with featureless faces and black wings. Insane things.
Wendy said I was crying out in my sleep and thrashing, and it took her almost ten minutes to wake me – she just said she was about to call an ambulance if I hadn’t woken up when I did, and when I woke up she said I was repeating something strange – she said it sounded like ‘Slothoth’, like I was stuttering the word ‘sloth’. I don’t remember that at all, however.
I can’t get back to sleep – I know more happened that I can’t quite recall, there are fragments, sounds, glimpses that I can’t seem to focus on. As terrifying as it all is, I feel like there is something important, something or someone reaching out to me.