Sleep has been off and on; the dreams don’t seem as intense lately, but somehow they’re more disturbing now, more personal, with horrible details creeping in that are impossible to describe clearly or rationally. My search for answers keeps getting sidetracked, I keep finding really vague references to things that go nowhere, hitting complete dead ends. I spent time researching the Thule society, because when you search for ‘occult’ and ‘Germany’ that seems to be top of the list, but it was obvious that the pieces didn’t really fit. It’s frustrating – there are so many references to occult societies like Golden Dawn and Theosophical society, but I can’t find any references to the ‘Liber Ivonis’ or old swords or anything like that. I did find a bizarre and half-unintelligible reference to the ‘Powder of Ibn Ghazi’, which was referenced in one of grandfathers’ letters. As best as I could understand, it is apparently a ‘powerful mystical powder that reveals the unseen’ and is capable of ‘necromantic materialization’, whatever the hell that means.
Things still seem to be escalating steadily here, too, which terrifies me to my core when I actually make the mistake of thinking about it. It’s definitely starting to impact Wendy, though she still won’t admit it. Last night I was watching TV and she came down from upstairs and saw that the basement door was wide open. She closed and told me I needed to make sure I didn’t keep leaving it open – it creates a draft, etc… I knew neither of us had left it open, but I didn’t say anything. Ten minutes later she headed back upstairs – I think she was putting some magazines in the recycle bin? – and I heard her stop in the hallway, heard her start to say something, then heard her close the basement door again and shake it in the jam to make sure it was closed tight. It happened at least one more time, and I know she wants to think I’m messing with her, but she knows I never left the couch – the door to the basement just opens on its own occasionally. The basement where the steamer trunk currently resides, I might add.
I can’t blame her for trying to deny it, though. I tried to ignore these things and find rational explanations for over a month before I started… maybe not ACCEPTING things, but at least acknowledging them. I do think this blog is helping, but readhing back through it, clearly seeing things escalate… it’s terrifying.