I feel like I’m trying to complete a puzzle, but I don’t have the picture on the box to show me what the puzzle is supposed to look like, and I’ve got a bunch of extra pieces that don’t actually belong to the puzzle I’m making. I can’t tell any more what documents in the steamer trunk are important or relevant to what’s happening, and which ones are just ‘fluff’, normal memorabilia from my grandfather’s life, or whatever.
I keep finding these old advertisements and magazine pages from the 1940s and 1950s, and I don’t know what they mean – part of me feels like they must have something to do with this mystery, that they are some bizarre key that unlocks some deep secret, because why else would he keep them? The rational part of me, however, (whatever ‘rational’ part still remains after all this) is saying they’re just junk, mementos of someone else’s life that I’ll never be able to connect with or understand.
Also, I had another dream last night.
Maybe triggered by all the recent events and escalations, maybe because I’ve been digging through the steamer trunk so much lately, I don’t know. I was in that blasted, hideous landscape again, the hot wind blowing across my face, the smell of sulfur and rotting meat and who knows what else. It’s all so vivid, so much more vivid than any normal dreams, and that’s part of what makes it so terrifying – I don’t think my mind fully realizes that it’s a dream.
There was smoke and shattered stone, barbed wire, charred wood… I can’t really properly describe how horrible it is, how alien, how barren. I was there again, though, hearing the chanting, and I somehow I knew that the portal was behind me this time – I could feel it, feel the icy, writhing energy that was threatening to envelop me. This time I heard something new – or at least I remembered something new, something that stuck out in my mind as I woke up in a cold sweat, and I wrote it down in the little notepad I keep on my nightstand. Once I wrote it down, I realized that I’ve heard it before, or at least I think I’ve spoken the words before, in any case. I know this is a new piece of the puzzle, but even though I have no idea what it means, somehow it fills me with a pure and utter dread. What I scrawled across my notebook in that nightmare-induced haze, was two alien words…
Even though I’m sure I don’t know the words, somehow I think, somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind, I do know what them mean.