Things are still going OK – I haven’t really even felt the need to update here. We haven’t heard any weird noises, no ghostly figures, no doors opening on their own… we’re doing normal stuff now, like Christmas shopping, and we even decorated the tree, like normal people. Wendy seems to be doing better than she has been in months, and the decreased stress level is noticeable for both of us. It nice, things almost feel like they’re back to normal, even though I’m still not sleeping well.
The dreams now are so different than before, and even though I don’t wake up screaming in the middle of the night, I’m still not really ‘sleeping’. The dreams lack anything I would consider ‘details’, just this limitless blackness, swirling with shapes and figures that make my eyes hurt. I tried to draw something but I found that I couldn’t – it wasn’t that I couldn’t think of how to draw it, it’s like my hand was incapable of making those shapes. Like the human body and mind were not meant to see them, experience them. It feels like something primal, something truly eternal is out there, watching me. Not communicating, just… watching. Even now, in the brightly lit waking world, I can feel the chill of it, some being, some eternal malevolence staring at me from god knows where.
I know it’s affecting me, though I’m trying not to let it. Sunday night I looked up at the clear night sky, through the skylights in the living room, and I saw the stars, twinkling like they do on cold winter nights. I didn’t see the stars, though – my eyes, my thoughts, immediately went to the void, the infinite blackness of space, and to whatever horrors lie out there, waiting. I thought of that blasphemous gate to worlds and places unimagined, and I knew that there was something greater, something darker… I started to cry – I hate to admit it, but I did, I started to cry, contemplating the twisted darkness and infinite cold malevolence of that blackest void. I’ve never had thoughts like this before, but now, I can’t seem to help it, and I know it has something to do with these new dreams.