I am Not Unhappy 

The city from a distance. Even in the bright October sun, there is a darkness there, a cold energy that permeates every brick, every window. Most people can’t see it, or won’t see it, but it weighs on me. Every day I feel it and it drains me, it fills my head with its malevolence. Every night it fills my dreams with twisted piping and burning winds and things… things I don’t want to recall in daylight but that press upon my eyelids just the same.   
I am not unhappy though – that’s the thing the doctors could never understand, could never accept. With all that I see and all that I know, I am not unhappy. I feel the weight of this black knowledge pressing upon me, I know what horrors lurk in the shadows and what rancid, pestilent  things crawl through our world, and I fear; oh yes, I fear. I know terrors that most men would scarce imagine. But I am not unhappy. 
I was unhappy for so long – I was depressed, I couldn’t understand what was happening, my world view was shattered into a million kaleidoscopic pieces. Dark beings, dream portals, mad piping, bizarre spells and dark rituals; these were not things of my world, of the rational world, and so my rational mind could not cope. It was only after… events, terrible events that I dare not mention here, that I came to a new understanding, a new rationale. That is when I realized that the dark chaos that surrounds us all was not some ‘family curse’ handed down for generations. No, this darkness had been there since time immemorial, and my knowledge of it was not undoing my world, but re-focusing it as it truly is. 

So that is the truth of it. I see things as they are, I know about the darkness that lurks beneath the thin veneer of the ‘normal world’, I know of Yog Sothoth who is the gate, I know of the mad piping of the cosmos, and I now know I am better for it… better even though it may kill me, as it has done so many others. 

Secrets should stay hidden. 

Beware the shadows.